< In the Dark With Ashes | Sol Invictus Logs | I Just Get So Angry Sometimes >
Lucent opens the door to Thirteen's quarters, Luna pulsing cooly about him. "You there?"
Thirteen "Yes."
Thirteen "Can I help you, Lucent Copper Haze?"
Lucent "Yes. I came to apologize. For nearly breaking the peace. For nearly breaking everything."
Thirteen sighs.
Thirteen "You need not apologize, Lucent. I have no doubts of your heart. Merely of your ability to accomplish that which must be accomplished."
Lucent Luna continues to give her cold light "Why would you have any doubts?"
Thirteen "Experience."
Thirteen "My concern with you is the same as it ever was, Lucent. There are things in you that you place above saving Creation."
Lucent "Like?"
Thirteen "As long as that is the case, I cannot rely on you. Your eye turns aside too readily."
Thirteen "As you said. Your outburst at the meeting very nearly undid our trust."
Thirteen "Your secrecy about your prior incarnation."
Lucent "As did your suggestion of striking heaven, that obssession you can never be silent about. You are lucky they were more cavalier about it that we would be when shocked." He sighs. "And yet, I rely on you, Thirteen, even knowing there will be a time I will have to strike you down. But... you are right. I have let my emotions lead me astray."
Lucent "If I had struck Phoenix, all would be lost."
Thirteen "This is precisely my point, Lucent."
Thirteen "You suggest that we would react violently or without thought to a surprising suggestion by a sibling.'
Thirteen "In doing so you demonstrate merely how little you know of us."
Thirteen "We are not all as impulsive as you."
Lucent "I did not say we would be violent, simply more drastic. And it seems by 'we' you only mean yourself."
Thirteen cracks a smile briefly.
Thirteen "Perhaps."
Thirteen "Hopefully you can see why this gives me cause for concern."
Lucent nods sadly "I do. I understand them... I am like them... but after seeing how close I stood to breaking the cycle, I realised just how dangerous we can be. Maybe it is all what Imrama and I have discovered... maybe it is this thing tugging at our souls. But we have to raise above it."
Lucent "I, for one, have been trying, ever since... the meeting."
Thirteen "What have you been trying?"
Lucent "To control my emotions. I have been praying. In a way not much different than the meditations you must have done to achieve your techniques. Well, that Starchosen do, at any rate. Centering myself. Focusing. Freezing the fire, but keeping it there for when I need it."
Thirteen "That seems a noble pursuit."
Thirteen "Let me know if I may lend you aid."
Lucent "You might. How do you handle it?"
Thirteen "I do not want things that would be distractions from my goals."
Lucent "Hm."
Lucent "So you simply extinguish all desire?"
Thirteen "I do not extinguish it. It simply passes, as though it never was."
Lucent "Um."
Lucent "Then you cannot help me, if you do not truly feel it."
Lucent "But it is something to keep in mind."
Thirteen "Perhaps you may learn in time not to feel."
Lucent "You think that would be benefitial?"
Thirteen "You might find it an interesting change of pace."
Lucent "I will try it, I think. The Full Moon is emotion..." Luna comes in front of him, basking him with its light... and then glowing colder, just two tiny slivers of light within almost shadows. "... the No Moon hides all but thought. The Pillar can be both, I will try for the latter."
Lucent "But tell me, Thirteen."
Lucent "Why did you speak that about Birds, as I was about to leave?"
Thirteen "Why do you think Birds did what she did?"
Lucent "Like I said when I learned it... because of me. Because I pressed too hard with no regard for her feelings."
Thirteen "And what was your reaction upon realizing it?"
Lucent "I felt horrible."
Thirteen "And how did you demonstrate this feeling, in the heat of the moment?"
Lucent "I lashed out. I had been angry, then frustrated and guilty, and I lashed out on others."
Thirteen ""Such is my concern."
Lucent "Care to elaborate?"
Thirteen "I hoped, with my statement, to awaken you to a truth I myself have just begun to explore."
Thirteen "If you seek to love Birds, then you must put her feelings above yours on occasion."
Lucent "That is the nature of love, yes. But in a way, I have acted too self-centered as soon as I got here. I have been so... lost. I talked about doing good to Creation... but I only really did it when I was away from you all. And that is now how it should be."
Thirteen "Indeed."
Thirteen "I apologize if my words caused you pain."
Lucent "They have. I am not sure if I will be able to forget them. But I will try to forgive them."
Lucent "Maybe I should teach you tact, as you teach me focus."
Thirteen "Good luck."
Lucent nods and bows. "Well, then. I am not sure if you will now incorporate me in your plans or not. But you have my promise that I will control my emotions. That I will put nothing above the objective. And I will not fail in this promise as I failed in Rathess."
Lucent There is a light of promise... and it is sealed.
Thirteen "Thank you, Lucent Copper Haze."
Thirteen "I will, in turn, do what I can not to hurt you in the future."
< In the Dark With Ashes | Sol Invictus Logs | I Just Get So Angry Sometimes >
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