< Meeting Rivers, Crossing Water | Ex Pulp Preludes | Wife-Eating Statue! >
ST Down the vicious white waters clinging with desperate strength to Rivers as he guides the amazingly sturdy mushroom cap down the river's deadly course, Myrrh is soaked to the bone. The Terrestrial seems to be enjoying himself though and is almost reluctant to snag an overhanging branch of ironwood tree and drag them to the bank
Rivers "You can get off now."
Myrrh "Right...good job.." Gets off, not sure if it's the heat stroke or the near death river ride that's making him feel a little dizzy.
Myrrh "How close are we now?"
Rivers "About half a day. Past the singing forest and the Lair, we'll find the ruined road that leads to the Manse."
Myrrh "The Singing Forest? And what Lair?"
Rivers "Just stay close to me and I won't let you get killed. Trust me, I'm getting paid at the end of the trip."
Myrrh "Well just so long as you're sure..." Fills up the water skins before they leave, hoping to avoid the large fish.
Rivers "I've never been killed going this way. If you do exactly what I say, you'll be fine. Trust me." He flashes a smile almost full of teeth. His left eyetooth has been knocked out and apparently he's never bothered about it.
Rivers "Now, are you ready to be on the way"
Myrrh packs the now refilled waterskins. "Yes, lead the way!"
Rivers "You're tougher then I expected from a mortal. Good on you." Brushing his dripping dreadlocks out of his face, Rivers takes up the march down stream, keeping beside the bank for the moment.
Myrrh "Thank you! I'll have to tell my wife." Follows him, keeping an eye up on the trees not liking the idea of "The Lair"
Rivers "Married are you? Nice lady?" He seems more comfortable making idle conversation as he leads you through the forest, finally diverging from the bank of the river and moving into the depths of the jungle. Brilliant flowers flash their colors as the two men as they pass and birds sing in the treetops. Of course sometimes the flowers snag a bird or two from the branches and devour them whole
Myrrh "Oh she's a good soul. Just a little angry sometimes. Quite the head for business though. How about you?"
Rivers "People aren't interested in marrying me. But I get around. Prefer it that way. Don't get too close to the yellow flowers."
Myrrh "Err yes I noticed...are they some kind of mutant?" Keeps an eye out for the yellow ones, no telling what else is dangerous this close to the pole...
Rivers "Something like that. They'll eat you sure enough."
Myrrh "Ahh. So why is it called the singing forest?"
Rivers "Well, there are small rodents that live in the..."
Myrrh waits for Rivers to continue.
Rivers looks up as something darts through the leaves overhead. Then there's a rustle as more dart past. And more"
Rivers "Ah, there they are."
Rivers leans over and whispers in Myrrh's ear "If you listen to their song, they'll entrance you and put you to sleep. So I advise you keep talking to me and speed up your pace."
Myrrh "What are they?" tries to follow their movement, staring at the canopy above.
Rivers raises his voice as he explains "They're some sort of mutants. They're fairly smart, they understand what we're saying. But really it's alright as long as you stay close and don't stop."
Myrrh nods and continues to talk while picking up the pace, making sure to avoid any killer flowers "Oh, interesting weather out here don't you think? I mean I would have expected it to be more erratic closer to the pole!"
Rivers frowns at Myrrh's strange comment. "No, the weather will become more stable until nothing but sunlight comes from the sky."
Rivers frowns at Myrrh's strange comment. "No, the weather will become more stable until nothing but sunlight comes from the sky."
Myrrh "Well I was just making conversation...besides this place is a hot, wet, bug filled nightmare with maneatting flowers and singing rodents!"
Rivers "That it is."
Rivers holds out his arm, barring Myrrh's passage. "Hold on. There's a queen."
Myrrh wishes his lucky goggles didn't mist up in this weather, they would be a good way to keep the sun out. "A queen? They have royalty?"
Rivers carefully indicates that Myrrh should look up, guesturing with his chin and eyes. When Myrrh does as the Terrestrial suggests he sees a massive rodent, bigger then all the rest. Hell, bigger then Rivers! And very, very obviously female. She...smiles...
<Queen Rodent> opens her maw, revealing a mouth full of needle-sharp, pearly whites. And...sings...A song that goes straight to Myrrh's heart and tugs at his mind and soul.
Myrrh "So beautiful..."
Myrrh shakes his head trying to clear the urge to lie down and take a nap...although he is a little tired... "I think we should..get...moving."
-Gryphon.Magic Star.net:@#brume- Rivers invited Kraken|Sleepeth into the channel.
Rivers grips your arm and shoves you behind him. "She's dangerous. Don't let her enchant you."
Myrrh "Should we attack or run?"
Myrrh tightens his hands into fists, not sure if he can sock a rat queen in the jaw...
Rivers "Well, I'd attack if I was alone. But then you might get hurt and I wouldn't get paid. I can probably get you away safely. You're paying. What do you think?"
Myrrh "Well will they chase us if we run?"
Rivers "Not if we get to the Lair." His eyes are on the queen, who is simply standing a few feet away, smiling broadly.
Myrrh "How far do we have til the lair?"
Rivers "Five miles."
Myrrh "Hmmm...I don't think I can make small talk for five miles..."
Rivers "Actually we'd be running as fast as we can for five miles."
Myrrh "Oh well then, let's run for our lives!"
Myrrh eyes the queen wearily.
Rivers "If you think you're going to get left behind, jump on. I can carry you part of the way if I have to."
Rivers eyes the Rat Queen once more as she stands, smiling, watching the two men discuss how to escape her trap
Rat Queen "Run for your lives? Silly man." she laughs, and rubs her ears and whiskers. "Why are you afraid?"
Rat Queen sits back on her haunches, looking for all the world like an overgrown prairie dog with buck teeth.
Rivers "Because you want to eat my client"
Myrrh "That and you're other subjects have been chasing us!"
Rat Queen tilts her head to the side, "Well you WERE intruding on our land without invitation... quite rude, quite rude, don't you think? But I will forgive you and extend a new invitation, yes?" she rubs her whiskers. "For tea, maybe? I have not had a good conversation in a long time, you see."
Rivers "No, I think we'll just leave without permission too."
Myrrh "Well you certainly wouldn't harm a guest for tea would you?"
Rivers "She would."
Myrrh "Well how about a trade? I have some wonderful trail mix...you clearly don't get many grains out here!"
Rat Queen "Trail...mix...?"
Myrrh "Yes! It's processed grains mixed with dried fruits and nuts! Fantastic stuff! Doesn't go bad either."
Rat Queen "Stay a while, I will try this trail...mix...of yours. I will give you tea, or fruit juice. We will talk, and my subjects will stay away from you until we are finished."
Myrrh whispers to Rivers, "It's worth a shot. We might be able to bargain for safe passage..."
Rivers frowns at Myrrh. "I'm charging you extra if this goes bad. A lot extra."
Myrrh "Well we can still run if things go badly after all..."
Rat Queen smiles, and steps back, gesturing towards a large burrow, that is really more like a cave. "Come in, then, and we will talk!" she seems excited at the prospect
Rivers "We can have tea outside, Rat Queen."
Myrrh "Hmmm, I appologize Rat Queen, however I think I might agree with my friend. It's nice outside after all!" Approaches and offers her a packet of trailmix!
Rat Queen shrugs, and drops down to all fours, to enter her burrow, returning with an ornamented silver teapot, and three little teacups with dancing rat motifs.
Myrrh "What type of tea is it? Local blend?"
Rat Queen "Yes, green tea, I have kept it fresh. It has honey and jasmine in it. The water is from the sky above, very pure, very nice!"
Rat Queen pours tea into the three cups, and offers one to each of the others, taking a lap of the tea herself from her cup
Rivers closes his eyes for a moment and then smiles as he takes the cup and takes a gulp of tea. "Very nice."
Rat Queen bows her head a little, "Thank you, thank you! I am pleased you like it. It has been so long since I have had guests." she curls her long tail around her feet.
Myrrh takes the cup graciously. "Thank you Queen." Takes a sip. "Although you might get more visitors if you had clearer borders. Maybe some sort of signpost?"
Rivers "If you didn't eat them, they might come more often."
Myrrh "Maybe you could start up trade with the city? I'm sure they'd love your tea after all."
Rat Queen "Hmmm...hmmmm... there was a sign, but maybe you cannot read the bark-scratching language. My people, they are hungry. They do not know you are such wonderful companions for tea."
Rivers grunts his thanks. "Well, being as wonderful as it is to enjoy your company, Rat Queen, my customer here has asked I take him to the Old Manse today."
Rat Queen "Oh, that old place? Will you search for lore and treasures, like the others?"
Myrrh "Have you tried Agriculture? Maybe fruit harvesting?" Sips the tea. "I could write you a phrase in the tongue of the local people that you could add to your border markings. That should clear up any confusion."
Myrrh "Yes, do you know anything about it?"
Rat Queen "Hmmm my people, they cannot live on fruit alone... but this phrase of yours, will you teach it to me?"
Myrrh "Oh of course." Gets out his notepad and writes "Here lies the border of the mighty Rat Queen's kingdom. Please ask for invitation before crossing. Maybe bring a meat offering." in the local script..and hopes the locals can read it.
Rat Queen "What does it say?" she tilts her head, fixing one bright eye on the words
Myrrh he then removes the sheet and hands it to her. "Here lies the border of the mighty Rat Queen's Kingdom. Please ask for invitation before corssing. Maybe bring a meat offering." Nods to himself. "Just to make things clear."
Rat Queen "Ahh, I see, I see. Very nice. I will make copies, and place them around the border, to prevent unfortunate accidents." she rubs her whiskers absently, and smooths the fur of her face
Rivers gives Myrrh a long look and shakes his head slightly.
Rat Queen "You wished to hear about the Old Manse, yes?"
Myrrh "Yes if you would be so kind!"
Rat Queen "I have a tale for you, then. You will listen?"
Myrrh "Of course." Smiles politely.
Rat Queen fluffs up her fur proudly, and begins to sing an epic tale of one of her people who ventured to the Old Manse, and were almost crushed by the guardian of clay
Rivers looks at Myrrh curiously as they return to traveling, having left behind the lair of the Singing Forest and the Rat Queen. In trade for tea time and a little sign, they'd escaped one of the deadliest traps in this part of the jungle and Rivers was having a hard time accepting that.
Rivers "How did you do that?"
Myrrh looks rather pleased with himself. "Oh a little civility goes a long way, even for mutants. You just need to be personable sometimes."
Myrrh "Besides, all she wanted was to have some tea.
Rivers "Normally she wants to have tea and eat your face off..." The big Terrestrial continues looking at Myrrh oddly out of the corner of his eyes as they move through the jungle. "We'll be at the Lair soon."
Myrrh "Had many run ins with her then? Now I was meaning to ask you, the Liar of what exactly?"
Rivers "I've had a few meetings with her or something like her, always gotten away. But never like that.."
Myrrh "That is odd then. Maybe she thought i'd be better company."
Rivers grunts deep in his throat.
Myrrh "And anyway you didn't answer my question. It's the lair of what? Doom? The beast? The four concubines of Octavian?"
Rivers "You'll have to see when we get there. It isn't far now."
Myrrh sighs and wipes the sweat from his brow. "Alright then."
Rivers waits nearly an hour before saying anything besides warnings about the terrain or local wildlife. Then he stops and turns to Myrrh, giving the smaller man and appraising look that unsettles the Brumian somewhat. "You any good with that bow?"
Myrrh "Uh...yes I am. You can't bee too careful in my line of work. Dimplomacy does fail occasionaly...why?"
Rivers "Because I don't think you can sweet talk our way across this time and every time I've come past, I've lost blood here." The scarred face of the Outcaste is fixed into a pensive frown and his left hand flexes on the haft of his Jade Warhammer.
Myrrh frowns and starts looking around, opening his quiver and preparing his bow. "To what?"
Rivers sighs heavily. "I told you. You'll see. Not that I think you'd be able to, but don't kill it if something happens. It's important."
Myrrh "If you say so...I wonder what this mud guardian the rat queen was talking about is..maybe a bound elemental of some kind..."
Rivers grunts.
Myrrh "Well that's helpful..." rolls his eyes and keeps a look out for slavering but endangered monsters.
Rivers swings his war hammer through a few loops then nods, shakes himself and starts moving forward. Myrrh can tell easily that the heavily-built, tough-looking and rather overall intimidating Outcaste is...well, intimidated.
Myrrh "I wonder if it's part of the natural defenses of the tomb..."
Rivers shifts his shoulders. "No, it's not."
Rivers "Come on, we're wasting time." He starts moving forward, wary and alert to possible movement or attacks.
Myrrh follows Rivers, keeping a keen eye out so as not to have his head eatten by a giant carnivorous flowerlizard.
Rivers Myrrh sees the movement a moment before Rivers, enough time to let him respond before anyone else. In the thick trees ahead, he sees a figure moving, gray against the greens and browns of the jungle. It's stealthy, but clearly it is moving toward the two men at speed.
Myrrh "Is that it?" knotches an arrow and waits for confirmation.
Rivers starts and stares at the figure moving. He nods grimly and hefts the Glory Hammer in his left hand, his right held free in case he needs the other weapon at his hip.
Cave Goddess is easily identifiable to Myrrh's educated eyes. A goddess of caves and caverns, stone and earth. From her size and appearance, he'd judge her to be fairly average in power. Possibly equal in Essence to himself. And she looks really, really angry. "MANOSQUE RIVERS! How DARE you approach my domains!!"
Rivers blanches a new shade of pasty red-gray and holds the hammer out defensively, ready to ward off the vicious blows that look ready to fly from the goddess's rocky hands.
Myrrh "You have a cave goddess mad at you?!"
Rivers "Not now, mortal!"
Myrrh moves to the side, letting rivers dodge. "Uhh...forgive us mighty Cave Goddess! We did not know we were tresspassing...or atleast I didn't..."
Cave Goddess "And you bring one WITH you? You DEFILE my domain with one of the very men you CHEATED ON ME WITH!?" She hurls her stone-covered bulk at the Outcaste, clawing and striking as the Exalt tries to fend her off.
Rivers fends for his life! "Honey, it isn't LIKE that!"
Myrrh "Excuse me goddess but I'm not sleeping with him. I already have a wife..."
Rivers and the Cave Goddess are not listening in the least to Myrrh, busy as they are struggling with eachother. Rivers, to defend himself without doing serious hurt to the enraged cave-deity and the goddess to rend the Dragon-Blood's body to bloody shreds. At the moment, Rivers seems to be holding his own fairly well. "I'm NOT sleeping with him! You have it all misunderstood!"
Cave Goddess "I misunderstood the SWEATY MONKEY SEX IN MY OWN PALACE?!"
Rivers stutters. "Uh..."
Cave Goddess much attempting to smash in the face of her, apparently, cheating husband.
Myrrh stifles his laughter behind a hand and a cough. "Oh mighty Cave Goddess, if you'd only allow us to excoughplain..."
Cave Goddess "My doorman and bath girl in the SAME NIGHT! In MY BED!" *smashing!*
Myrrh gawks at Rivers and CG and tries to clear his throat to get their attention. "Ahem..."
Rivers and the goddess seem a bit busy and don't hear Myrrh's polite attempts to gain their attention.
Myrrh sighs and shakes his head for a moment. "HEY! YOU TWO CALM DOWN OR I'M GOING TO SHOOT BOTH OF YOU!"
Cave Goddess howls and turns her attention to Myrrh. "How DARE you interfere in the affairs of a goddess, mortal!!!"
Rivers "He's my customer, don't you go getting my fee revoked!"
Cave Goddess "You're WHORING yourself now? I thought you could get no more despicable!"
Myrrh "Listen, i'm sorry but you both need to sit down and talk this out! Pummeling eachother isn't going to acomplish things!"
Rivers stares at the goddess and gets a clout across the face with a stone-covered fist, sending him staggering backwards, bloody-nosed. "BITCH!"
Rivers lunges at the goddess, war hammer flailing!
Myrrh sighs and shakes his head. "Hey! Hey! What did I say about hitting eachother?!" Tries to restrain Rivers and the goddess.
Myrrh has had enough and gets between them, dodging their blows as they're headed for eachother. "This!" He ducks a punch that smashes on River's guard. "is!" moves his head a fraction of an inch to avoid a hammer blow that bounces off of the goddesses hard hide. "ENOUGH!"
Cave Goddess pauses, glaring at the two men. "Very WELL mortal. But remove yourself from my presence!"
Myrrh "Now hold on, I think we can still talk about this rationaly, slightly away from eachother so we're not so close to hit one another please..."
Myrrh tries to push Rivers away from the goddess
Rivers moves slowly, stubbornly, now glaring at Myrrh as much as at the Cave Goddess. "You're not a mortal. What are you?"
Myrrh "Hey now that's no way to talk to someone trying to help you patch up your relationship with a beautiful goddess now is it?"
Rivers "She's not beautiful, she's a domineering bitch!"
Cave Goddess "I am STUNNINGLY attractive and YOU are a slut!"
Rivers growls.
Myrrh "Enough of that! Now why don't you both calmly tell me what happened. WITHOUT yelling and calling people names!"
Rivers "It is none of your business. I agreed to take you to the Temple, not involve you in my private life!"
Cave Goddess "It IS none of your business."
Myrrh "Well your private life is KEEPING me from the temple. And I can't stand watching you two pummel eachother!"
Myrrh "And anyway maybe she can help."
Cave Goddess "I will not help HIM for any reason. You...remove your self and...him..from my presence! Or I shall summon help to deal with this intrusion."
Myrrh "Alright but will you help ME?"
Rivers "What are you thinking? I won't have her along!"
Cave Goddess "How dare you!"
Myrrh "Yes but she's a cave goddess! Maybe she knows about the mud and stone monster outside of the tomb!"
Rivers "You stupid mospid. She IS the monster!"
Cave Goddess "You disgusting little speck!"
Myrrh "What? She doesn't look like a giant mud and stone monster."
Rivers "Not right now"
Cave Goddess "I never look like a monster!"
Myrrh "You know Rivers you aren't helping here..."
Rivers "How about you stop trying to tell me how to deal with my wife and we leave before she wants to fight some more.,"
Cave Goddess "It was YOU that started this, Rivers!"
Myrrh glances at Rivers. "Well if the way you're dealing with your wife is having a knock down drag out fight every time you see eachother..."
Myrrh "And anyway you told me you didn't HAVE a wife!"
Cave Goddess "He won't when I'm through turning him into paste!"
Myrrh "That's enough of that thank you! So why won't you help me keep the rock monster at bay? I can make it worth your while in prayers!"
Cave Goddess "No POSSIBLE prayer can come out of your mouths that isn't COATED IN FILTH."
Myrrh "What ME?! I didn't sleep with him! I can get MUCH better concubines than him on Brume thanks...alright, essence then?"
Rivers "Excuse me? I am a WONDERFUL lover."
Cave Goddess "Oh is that what you think? You couldn't fill my cave if you were a hundred times bigger!"
Rivers snarls at the goddess "Your cave would scare off a behemoth and a Deathlord together! Especially the one under your nose, that never ceases emitting howling winds."
Cave`Goddess huffs, and seems to grow bigger and more rocky, "Don't foist your inadequacies off on me, you only WISH you were made of Jade!"
Myrrh "Ok, ok. I can talk this through. I got out of the rat queen alright I can handle this..."
Cave Goddess A giant finger is suddenly inches from Myrrh's face "YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, WHORESON!"
Rivers "What would you know about Jade? Your face is enough to scare the stone from any man's body! At least with your servants I didn't have to look away!"
Cave Goddess "Is that why you called that pitiful soft fleshy thing 'hard'? Because you weren't MAN enough for a GODDESS? You just couldn't STAND the fact that I was in charge, COULD YOU? NO! You had to find SERVANTS to get your so-called-rocks off, because you Couldn't HANDLE me!"
Myrrh "This sounds familiar..."
Rivers "You rant and rave but you treasured those "so-called-rocks" so much that even FIVE YEARS later you're still mad I had a little fling! Like you weren't on your back for every elemental that you could find!"
Cave Goddess "That was different! That was worship!"
Myrrh stays quiet, really wanting to hear how that qualifies as worship!
Rivers "Your whore-screams as they have at it doesn't count as prayer!"
Cave Goddess "They submit to me in prayer as is proper for those of lesser status! You're just JEALOUS because NOBODY PRAYS FOR YOU!"
Rivers "I don't NEED people to bow down to me for MY self esteem!"
Rivers "OR for the essence, I get that MYSELF."
Cave Goddess "OH yes you do! That's what the bath-girl and the doorman were for!"
Cave Goddess "You were pinned between the two of them like one of those rabbits you were so fond of skewering!"
Myrrh "Why did you have a bath-...sorry."
Rivers "No, THEY were because YOU were too busy whoring yourself out to that Earth Lord to take notice of your husband.
Rivers I didn't mind the first day. Or the second. But by DAY FIVE MY BLOODY BALLS DESERVED SOME ATTENTION!"
Cave Goddess "Your BLOODY BALLS ARE GOING TO BE BLOODY!" She lunges at him!
Rivers throws himself at the goddess, hammer in hand!"
Cave Goddess "I should never have married you! I knew I was stooping beneath my station, but I NEVER realized HOW FAR!" She grabs the hammer by the head as it flies towards her face, and squeeeeezes.
Rivers pulls the Short Daiklave from its scabbard with his free hand and slashes it at the goddess's face, snarling!
Myrrh has had MORE than enough of this bickering! He activates his caste power, anima flaring to life around him, castemark beaming! "YOU!" He points at Rivers. "YOU will apologize!" Turns to the Cave Goddess. "YOU!" He points at her. "YOU will accept his apology!" He's seething at this point. "And Then you will BOTH help me get into the temple or Sol Invictus help me..."
Cave Goddess "I WILL NOT!"
Myrrh "HEY! The giant glowy monster is talking here!"
Rivers stares at the glowing golden Anathema. "You're anathema!"
Myrrh "Yes, Yes I'm a demon. Booga booga. I still paid you to get into the tomb and you're still going to take me because I don't steal baby souls!"
Rivers "And why shouldn't I just turn you over to the Wyld Hunt for a hefty bounty?"
Cave Goddess "You're whoring yourself out to 'Anathema' now? Oh just wait til I tell the others!"
Myrrh "Because I'm trying to find a way into an ancient tomb full of powerful artifacts of the first age that can be used to help humanity! That and I don't think the wyld hunt would take your call...you are outcaste aren't you?"
Rivers "I'll tell them about your many illegitimate children with that Centaur-thing in the forest, fool!"
Myrrh "Centaur thing?"
Cave Goddess "At least HE knew how to RIDE ME!"
Rivers "They'd take your head, they would. Why shouldn't I offer it to 'em?"
Rivers "Well he would, goats know all about riding big, ugly rocks!"
Cave Goddess "I am NOT UGLY!"
Myrrh "Well how would you prove i'm anathema? It's not like my golden majesty sticks around if you cut my HEAD off! And besides! Have I hurt anyone?"
Rivers "Can't you see we're having a DISCUSSION here, Anathema?! Butt out!"
Myrrh "But I was trying to..."
Myrrh "Centaur thing?"
Cave Goddess "He's not a THING!"
Myrrh "How would that even work? I mean the weight...I've seen PICTURES but that was a Buck Ogre..."
Cave Goddess "He is majestic and strong, and hung like a Centaur!"
Rivers "Well when you're a rock, I guess weight doesn't matter!"
Cave Goddess "I am incredibly strong"
Rivers "Just like how she doesn't care about how much SHE weighs."
Cave Goddess "oh DON'T you DARE!"
Myrrh "Hey! That's a bit of a low blow! She is made out of rock!"
Rivers "Maybe I took to your bath girl because HER ass isn't a pair of boulders!"
Cave Goddess "DIVINE BOULDERS!"
Myrrh "Now I'm sure your boulders are fine..."
Rivers "Is that what the centaur calls them? He can't bring himself to tell you to lose a few TONS?"
Cave Goddess "You can't even BEGIN to DREAM of what he tells me. I am a CAVE GODDESS! I am no mere PEBBLE GODDESS! If that's what you want, go fuck the road!"
Cave`Goddess punctuates that with a thrown boulder
Myrrh "...how did you two meet anyway? I mean you both seem to have intense personalities..."
Rivers neatly deflects the boulder with a shower of sparks. "A cave goddess! Try selling THAT in Yu-Shan!"
Cave Goddess "I've BEEN to Yu-Shan, THANKYOUVERYMUCH! Unlike YOU! They won't even let you NEAR the door, INFERIOR BEING!"
Rivers "And you came back to my arms crying because they used you as a WAITING WENCH!"
Cave Goddess "In your DREAMS!"
Myrrh "Wait they won't let him into Yu-Shan? Weird...I thought they let all exalted in..."
Rivers "What, wiped that from your mind too? Just like the time you cried on my shoulder because the Gem Lord rejected your gifts and sent you packing?"
Rivers "You tried to sell yourself to a Gem Lord, a GIANT ROCK, and got shot down!"
Cave Goddess "You are making up STORIES now!"
Cave Goddess "The Gem Lord is a CLOSE PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE!"
Rivers "Who NEVER lets you near his palace!"
Rivers "And every time you go leave offerings, his guards LAUGH!":
Cave Goddess "YOU DIRTY THIEVING LIAR!"
Cave Goddess "I saw you STEALING my offerings, and leaving CHEAP GLASS in its place!"
Myrrh "...wait...so she was looking for another husband WHILE married to you and she's mad at you because you had a lover? Aren't you both...you stole her offerings?!
Cave Goddess "I never said anything about your NEW THINGS, but now.. OH NOW IT'S ON!"
Rivers "I didn't STEAL anything, bitch! You're just making up stories to cover your own HUMILIATION!"
Cave Goddess "Oh REALLY? Then how come my ELEMENTAL LOVERS tracked you down when you WENT TO SELL them?"
Rivers "I was SELLING the gems you GAVE me because you couldn't stand having them around any more!"
Cave Goddess "I HAVE THEM! THEY HAVE THE GEM LORD'S NAME ON THEM!"
Rivers "In YOUR handwriting!!!"
Cave Goddess "EXACTLY! THEY WERE MY GIFTS TO HIM!"
Cave Goddess "JUST LIKE MY NAME IS CARVED INTO YOUR ASS!"
Myrrh "....you carved your name into his ass? I thought the exalted didn't get scars..."
Rivers gives a snort of derisive laughter. "You stupid bitch! Rattle those rocks in your head and get it right! He REJECTED your two-ton ass and you pushed the gems on me because they made you burst into pathetic TEARS every time you saw them! Then you stole them from ME when you decided it'd be better for your ego to FORGET the whole THING!"
Cave Goddess "I had to do it thirty or so times."
Rivers "I had that removed years ago, darlin'. Ain't nothing left of you but unfond memories and a taste for SKINNY, ATTRACTIVE folk."
Cave Goddess "HOW COULD YOU!?! WE'RE MARRIED!!!"
Rivers "Like you haven't been bending over for every elemental or god you thought might raise your status!"
Cave`Goddess grabs Rivers, throws him over her knee, and yanks his pants down
Cave Goddess "OH MY ME!"
Myrrh raises a finger as if to say something but clams up when she grabs him and pulls his pants down.
Rivers pushes his name-free ass into her face. "All gone, BITCH!" Jumping back, pantsless, he snarls at her. "Now give me back my pants!"
Cave`Goddess bursts into horrible, wracking sobs upon seeing the smooth ass of her husband.
Cave Goddess "I LOVED YOUuuuuuuuuu...." wail
Cave`Goddess buries her face in his pants, soaking them with salt-water tears
Rivers "Maybe you should have SHOWED it! I kept TRYING to love you and you were too busy screwing your way to higher station to NOTICE!"
Rivers wipes furiously at his own red-ringed eyes.
Myrrh frowns and glances from her to Rivers then makes a "Well go on!" gesture.
Cave Goddess "I'm... I'm a GODDESS! It's what we do!"
Cave Goddess "I can't just ... I can't! I would fade away!"
Cave Goddess "How could I love you if I were a lesser goddess?"
Rivers "I married you when you were just the goddess of the cave-trout! I didn't care if you ever improved your celestial lot! But you spent so much time at it you forgot me!"
Cave Goddess "I never forgot you! I wanted to give you more! I wanted to give you more power, more love! I wanted to become strong enough to petition for you to join me in Yu Shan!"
Rivers "I don't want to go to Yu-Shan, you foolish rock! The cave-palace was enough!"
Cave Goddess "But...but it's heaven! I wanted to give you heaven..."
Rivers "You could start by giving me you! What sort of heaven is it when your wife is sleeping with a centaur-monster!"
Cave Goddess "You have to understand, I can't stop being what I am!"
Rivers "Well you could at least stop screwing around with every higher-ranking elemental that comes past. You can get into heaven other ways, you know!"
Cave Goddess "How would you know?"
Myrrh "Well I would know..."
Rivers "Shut up, you!"
Cave Goddess "...you would?"
Myrrh "Well I...uh...nevermind!" Glances at Rivers..
Cave Goddess "Wait, no, let him talk, Rivers!"
Rivers sighs. "Alright!"
Cave Goddess "I've heard the Chosen of the Sun can enter Yu Shan on auspicious days..."
Myrrh "Well I haven't tried..."
Myrrh "But I'll see what I can do if you can get me inside the tomb!"
Cave Goddess "I will help you, then."
Rivers "Wait, Crystal Fountain. Even if he DOES get you back into heaven, what then? Can't you just stay here, with me?"
Cave Goddess "Of course I will, Sweet Rivers, I just want to be able to visit."
Rivers sighs deeply. "Can't you just be happy with me?"
Cave Goddess "My Father lives in Yu Shan..."
Myrrh "Well i'm sure Yu-Shan is wonderful this time of year, with the guardian lions and whatnot.
Rivers sighs and reaches out to touch the Cave Goddess's arm, still without pants, baring his ass for the world. "But I live here."
Cave Goddess "So do I... I could never abandon my life here... especially if you were with me again..." she dabs at her tears.
Rivers hugs the cave goddess to him. "But what will you do about the centaur-monster?"
Myrrh "Uh...Rivers...your pants?"
Rivers "Quiet, you."
Cave Goddess "He never meant anything to me... He can go back to his herd."
Cave`Goddess enfolds Rivers in her ginormous arms
Rivers "He means something to me! What will it do to my reputation, just letting him have my wife for all these years?"
Cave Goddess "What do you want from me?"
Rivers "Some assurance it won't happen again! And I'll do the same. No more doorman. No more bath girl."
Cave Goddess "We can live together in the palace? Forever?"
Rivers "Well, I don't know about forever. I'm a hundred and twenty six. Soon I'll have grey in my hair."
Cave Goddess "I know... that's part of why I wanted to get to Yu Shan... the Peaches of Immortality grow there... if you had those... I'd never have to lose you!"
Rivers "Well, lets give it a few decades. We've got a lot to work off."
Cave Goddess "But we'll do it together..." snfff
Rivers hugs the goddess tight, still pants-free! "Yes, my love. We will."
Rivers whispers in her ear "And you really did cry on my shoulder."
Cave Goddess "Shhh not in front of the anathema"
Rivers looks at Myrrh, evidently very happy about this turn of events. "Well, Anathema, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Myrrh "What? I told you I could get through this without killing someone!" Smirks to himself.
Rivers "Well, not that YOU did much..."
Rivers "But I suppose in honor of this day I could forgo killing you."
Cave Goddess "Don't forget, Dearheart, that you must lead him to the tomb, so he will help us."
Myrrh "Hey I kept you from throwing rocks at eachother! And without me to ask questions you'd still be hitting eachother with hammers!"
Rivers nods, nods. "I'll guide you still. But come with us, Crystal Fountain. I ain't seen you proper in a long time."
Cave Goddess "Speaking of seeing me proper... I have something for you to help me with before you put these back on..." she dangles his pants
Myrrh "Uhhh...."
Rivers "What?"
Cave Goddess "It's been FIVE YEARS, Rivers... "
Myrrh "Uhhhhh...
Myrrh "Do you two want some privacy..."
Cave Goddess "Come back to my cave.."
Rivers "Crystal...I'd love to plump your depths here and now, but if we wait until after night fall the guardians will be more alert..."
Rivers strokes the cave goddess's rocky arm.
Cave Goddess "Can't it wait until tomorrow?"
Rivers "You were the one that wanted him guided."
Cave Goddess "What's one more day? I'll come with and help you."
Rivers looks at the Anathema. "Well, Anathema? You gunna let me and the missus get reaquainted?"
Myrrh "Well sure I could use a rest...where's her cave though? And the name is Myrrh by the way."
Cave Goddess "Just down the way... I have a new bath girl. Perhaps you two can get acquainted while we're busy."
Rivers "You didn't throw the old bath girl down the bottomless pit, did you?"
Cave Goddess "Don't ask."
Myrrh doesn't ask.
Rivers sighs. "I liked her."
Cave Goddess "That's why you shouldn't ask."
Rivers sighs.
< Meeting Rivers, Crossing Water | Ex Pulp Preludes | Wife-Eating Statue! >
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