< Into the Underworld | Red Ice Logs | The Saunaplex >
Madame Mandana "You were supposed to observe, Carmine Rain Hunter! Observe! And..and..you walked like THAT through the streets!? What..how.."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "I avoided the public, I came straight to your office. I know I was only supposed to observe, but the demon lunged at a child, I had to kill it."
Madame Mandana "That may be a commendable reaction, but it was not the proper one in this case! Do you have any idea what kind of repercussions this might have!"
Madame Mandana: "There is a hole in your groin-plate. But I won't bother to visually verify that statement...regardless, you are out of order! How am I supposed to deal with this. Last month you severely beat a man accused of theft when he drew a knife on law enforcement personnel. It turned out that they had been bribed to frame and murder HIM! And now this! What if that demon had been summoned and had a purpose! There is always a reason to do more research, learn more and discover all possible permutations of your actions."
Madame Mandana: "I simply can not deal with this continued over-reaction, Carmine Rain Hunter."
Madame Mandana "That may be, Carmine Rain Hunter. But you are "helping" too much. And your behavior seems to be deteriorating."
Madame Mandana: "Your actions speak otherwise, Carmine Rain Hunter. I am sorry. Your transfer is non-negotiable."
Carmine Rain Hunter "Can't we talk about this? Are you sure this isn't about that dinner that I missed? 'Cause I'm really sorry about that, I just got caught up working, I didn't mean to miss it, I know you wanted me to meet your ..."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "But...could you apologize to your sister for me?"
Madame Mandana: "Yes. Once you return the armor and clean yourself, you will report there. And I am afraid you must apologize to her yourself."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Return the armor? This armor fits so well, though!"
Madame Mandana: "But it is not yours. It must be returned to the armory."
Carmine Rain Hunter "Please? Pretty please? Is there any way I could get you to talk her down from her rage?"
Madame Mandana: "You are dismissed, Carmine Rain Hunter."
Madame Mandana "Strip elsewhere, please."
Carmine Rain Hunter "I'm not stripping, just leaving the armor!"
Madame Mandana "Leave it in the armory."
Outside the office of Febrisa, Lesser Fire Dragon and Magistra of Office 6, Carmine Rain Hunter sees another Red waiting, peering around as if looking for someone else.
Arkadi The Red in question, is irately puffing away on a cigarette by this point, not looking particularly pleased to be here...
Arkadi 'Where the bloody hell *is* he...don't got all goddamned day here....'
Arkadi: "Lemme guess...you're that Carmine guy?"
Carmine Rain Hunter: "...yeah. I guess I am 'that Carmine guy'."
Arkadi "Yeah, Dragon-lady sent me to meet you...we're supposed to see her together..."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "...kinky."
Arkadi: "You coming?"
Somehow, Carmine Rain Hunter musters a pleasant, genial smile. "Well, that was painless."
Arkadi: "You're serious about what you want me to do here?"
Arkadi: "I mean, I got the letter...but well...*me* ?"
Febrisa: "Indeed. I try to make introductions as painless as possible, considering how agonizing your apprentice will be. Arkadi here will be your mentor until I decide you have learned enough to be trusted on your own. He will be watching you, staying near by, keeping tabs on your activity and emotional stability."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "...emotional stability?"
Febrisa: "If your behavior continues to deteriorate, he will be assigned to keep constant company with you. In that case, I hope your romantic inclinations run to the dour, snappish and drunken as he will be your only social contact unless one of the Health Insects approves other events."
Febrisa: "If you become hopeless, Arkadi will be in charge of overseeing your removal from the ranks of Heaven."
Arkadi: "Hey now...I'm not an assassin!"
Arkadi: "Get a bloody endings if you want THAT done."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "I'm fine! I think the whole Bureaucracy is overreacting. Honestly, all I did was kill a demon. And beat the shit out of a murderer. And kill another five demons."
Febrisa: "I don't have one available. In any event, that will not happen."
Arkadi: "No, it *won't*."
Febrisa: "Because these deeds are perfectly acceptable in *my* office. However, that is still the last-resort plan. I haven't used it in five thousand years, so you may feel secure."
Febrisa: "Everyone else died before they needed to be removed."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Um...what, exactly, does this office ¬do¬?"
Febrisa: "We investigate and remedy unforeseen disasters, such as demonic and undead incursions into Creation."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Oh. That sounds ... um ... fun?"
Arkadi: "Oh yeah, more fun than a barrel full of monkeys."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Well, it was sort of fun, in a weird way, to kill the demons."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Well, not fun. It felt like I was accomplishing something."
Arkadi: "You were."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Thought so."
Febrisa: "And now that will result in promotion and bonuses, instead of being eaten by a giant golden lion."
Arkadi: "Keep dreaming."
Febrisa: "No. You have a closet."
Arkadi: "You're talking about a bureau that isn't understaffed and underfunded."
Febrisa: "And a locker."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "It was worth a shot."
Febrisa: "Arkadi can show you where the closet and locker are."
Arkadi: "Might want to bring some air freshener."
Arkadi: "That it?"
Febrisa: "If you have any questions, ask Arkadi. If you need anyone to talk to, see Arkadi. If you need some stabilizing drugs, ask a Healer Insect. Unless Carmine has other questions, you may go."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "I'm fine. really."
Arkadi: "Right. C'mon."
Febrisa: "Alright. The Beetle of Demonic Sexual Infections is down the hall. I think you'll be needing him. Good day."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "...what?"
Arkadi: "...WHAT?!"
Febrisa: "He's also the one in charge of assigning equipment."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "....oh."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "She didn't seem that bad."
Arkadi: "Don't get me started."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "I won't. At least not today."
Arkadi: "Good."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "So, do I need to have equipment issued?"
Arkadi: "Damned if I know...I have zero clue what's on our list right now."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Well, I know even less."
Arkadi "Other factors tip the balance even further away from us. Bottom line, this is one of the worst postings you can GET..."
Arkadi: "High risk, low pay...no help, mind naming me the shithole department you worked in BEFORE?"
Arkadi: "Undead and demons? We ain't the only ones."
Arkadi: "That's our job to BEGIN with, remember? This department just sort of...doubles it up on us."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Oh."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Still, the other department kind of got out of the way."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Or in the way."
Arkadi: "Yeah you are...good luck, you'll need it."
Arkadi: "In my case, those departments still are...I've got 5 different bosses, plus my circle's affairs."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "...five?"
Arkadi: "Yeah."
Arkadi: "what can I say...people don't like me much."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "Let's get a drink."
Arkadi: "A-effing-men."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "I knew there was some common ground. Ever been to that place over in the east district? Where there are pavilions and it's always raining and has-been gods play board games?"
Arkadi: "Only on business..."
Carmine Rain Hunter: "I like the place. Let's go. They have actual beer, you know."
Arkadi: "Works for me."