Utter Nonsense
For centuries, there has been a mild feud of sorts between the so-called City Gangrel
and their "kissing cousins" the Country Gangrel. The rivalry has mostly been limited
to derision, rumor-mongering and social snubbing but has escalated into instances of
brawling or even tire-slashing from time to time.
Despite their differences, both types of Gangrel share a common heritage and each
follow the peculiar tradition of abandoning their childer shortly after the embrace,
in order to see if the progeny are able to survive on their own. This has led to many
young Gangrel being left unsure of their vampiric background. In order to assist these
unfortunate orphaned outlanders when they wander into an established domain, the
Bureau for the Advancement of Rural Kindred (BARK) has compiled a list for these
persons to assist them in determining their heritage. It is presented here for your
education and edification.
You might be a redneck vampire...
- If your high society salons revolve around square dances, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your favorite hunting dogs include members of your own clan, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If you crush Bloodweiser cans on your forehead, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your coffin is sitting up on cinder blocks, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If you think "fully-patched overalls" count as formal attire at court, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your favorite "rack" is the set of deer antlers mounted on the wall, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If you have been given a trailer park as your hunting ground, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your idea of Elysium is the beer tent at the county fair, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If you have stored spare plasma in a pickle jar, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your city's Nosferatu hangouts consist of a mineshaft, a well and that pile of old tires in the
back yard, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If you think your official clan symbol stands for the Green Bay Packers' "G", you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your fangs are the only teeth left your mouth, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your Prince holds his court in a dairy barn, between milking sessions, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your idea of a penthouse haven is the top of a deer hunting stand, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If you find that you are blood-bound to a moonshine still, you might be a redneck vampire.
- If your raves include a lot of line dancing, you might be a redneck Brujah.
- If you have more body hair than most of the animals on your farm, you might be a redneck Gangrel.
- If you dress like a rodeo clown, and attempt to lead traffic away from people waiting at the
bus stop, you might be a redneck Malkavian.
- If you've ever tried to organize a tractor pull in your city's sewers, you might be a redneck Nosferatu.
- If you're entranced for hours by the Confederate Jack, you might be a redneck Toreador.
- If your regular bedroom feeding session involves your sister, you might be a redneck Giovanni.
- If you've ever had to collect rabbit dung, live maggots and "one good lugie" for a spell, you might be a redneck Tremere.
- If "prey exclusion" means "a good ol boy packin Skoal and Wild Turkey", you might be a redneck Ventrue.
- If your ghoul makes you sit in the back of your truck, you might be a redneck Caitiff.
- If your idea of a Conclave includes a tent revival, you might be a redneck Prince.
- If you got your position by coming in second in a cow tipping contest, you might be a redneck Seneshcal.
- If you participate in a quilting circle to keep current on Kindred affairs, you might be a redneck Harpy.
- If your Elysium has been modeled after Dollywood, you might be a redneck Keeper.
- If you refer to your Deputies as "little buddies", you might be a redneck Sheriff.
- If your cry to freedom is "The South will rise again," you might be a redneck Anarch.
- If you attend Vaulderie wearing a pillow case and sheet, you might be a redneck Sabbat.
- If you monitor Kindred society with binoculars while standing in a deer blind, you might be a red-neck Inconnu.
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